Hope everyone had a merry Christmas!

Now, I'm going to take a tylenol, drink tons of water and go back to bed.

I got the news when I got home today... In four years you all will be able to call me Doctor Williamson.

That is all :D

Current Mood: ecstatic

Hey Everyone,

It's 10PM in the UK as I update this... it's pretty awesome. Arrived two days ago and jetlagged to hell, spent yesterday and today exploring the city of London with my mom. It was pretty cool... Lots of opportunities to explore a really historic city. Taking a LOT of pictures and seeing the sights...

Random observation: The density of British people in London is much lower than expected.

Anyway, just thought I'd update this (since I never do) and yeah.

Not only did I just finish my last exam of undergrad today... I got an email from guelph inviting me to an interview for their DVM program... It's still not a sure thing by any means but I'm miles closer than before.

Still, holy shit. I FINISHED today!

This was the day that pretty much made up for the shitslog the last two months has been.

Current Location: 20 Ainsle
Current Mood: giddy

So yeah, it's midway into exam season now... I forgot how boring studying could get. I've been having weird dreams lately... they're the kind that are kind of pleasant until you wake up and realize that they were only dreams.

I think I'm going crazy waiting for so many things to come to pass, now. It's like there's nothing I can do for anything, even myself, and there's no point to doing much besides waiting. I'm lonely and bitter about it and it's proving frustratingly hard to bring myself to care about pretty much anything anyway. I know what I SHOULD want, but none of it seems to matter. I want to move forward but my brain's stuck in the past.

Some days I want to just start running away, never looking back. To hell with the life I lead, the one I worked so hard to build... None of it feels like it has MEANING anymore.

I need to get out more. Being stuck alone at home just makes me think and that leads down well travelled roads that go nowhere but a mire.

Current Mood: blank

It's been a rough time for me these last few months, but I think things are finally starting to die down. I got rejection letters from med school, but my app info is on file with Guelph and I think I still have a chance with them for an interview... and if I get an interview I'm pretty confident I can be one of the ones who gets in.

School-wise I haven't been doing too great this semester, but I still have a chance to make up for things. I'm going to see a counselor with the centre for student development and I'm gonna see what my options are there... even if there aren't any, this year's far from a lost cause yet. Even better, it's not full-time so Guelph won't care about it.

I've at least got a job this summer, so money won't be quite so tight, even though my three week vacation in Europe's gonna take a chunk outta that. I'm really looking forward to the chance to get away and see the world... I've never been off this continent before and I've always wanted to travel... I'm going with my mom to see England, Scotland and France, which should be really interesting. It's just after Guelph finishes off their interviews in May, so maybe I'll even have some good news then!

Family wise, things are the same as they've always been... my mom's good-naturedly trying to push me to go out and find a nice local girl, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I think I've managed to finally find some sort of centre after the whole business with Li, but I'm definitely not looking for romantic involvement right now. Someday, maybe.

I'm still hurting a little bit from what happened, and I don't know how I feel towards Li herself anymore, but I think it's about time I accepted that this is the end of this chapter in my life and move on. Things don't always work out with roses and that's a shame... but life goes on. If she ever talks to me again, maybe we'll be able to patch things up and stay friends... I hope so, anyway, but that's another time.

I gotta find my centre in the here and now and move forward. I deserve to be happy... now's just all about making that happen and making time for me.

Current Mood: accomplished

OUA finals were this weekend - we did OK I guess, but it could have gone a lot better. At least it's reading week now...

I have NOTHING to do this week. It's strangely liberating in some senses and fantastically boring in others... At least normally I'd be spending all my time doing things with Li and hanging out in the big city. This year I'm basically sitting around in my room except for the few occasions where I'm out with friends. It's not even 9PM yet and I'm contemplating sleeping since I'm SO BORED.

Li still isn't talking to me yet either. That sure as hell isn't making dealing with all this any easier.

Ah well, at least I'm getting to relax even if I'm not exactly destressing.

Current Mood: bored

So yeah, I got completely smashed a few days ago - first time ever and last time for a long while I think... there was something liberating about it... but the hangover was unpleasant to say the least (I couldn't keep food down for most of yesterday. Thankfully that's over with. Oy.)( cut for rambling about personal stuff.Collapse )

I've got an anatomy lab test today and a histology one tomorrow - the one today could really go either way. If they pick muscles I know for sure that's great... and I'm pretty sure I know most of the major ones... except serratus. It's damn hard to find references that show exactly where all the bits of serratus are in a rabbit! (Yeah, dumb me for not sketching it while I had the chance, but we were rushed!) At least I'm pretty sure I can pick out dorsalis cervicis and ventralis thoracis. Stupid rabbits and their being uncommon.

Histology lab test tomorrow, but that should be a cakewalk. It's all "Identify the osteocyte in this picture" and "what sort of tissue is this thing?" - pretty basic stuff, I just gotta remember what differs between bone and cartilage.

It's been a tough few weeks and I'm not looking forward to Valentine's day, but nevertheless, I can do this. I've got good friends, family who care and most importantly I know I can get through this all right. I deserve to be happy and I'm gonna do my best for me.

Current Mood: determined

Yeah, this is turning into my emoblog since very few people read it. Sorry about that - I just kind of need somewhere to vent right now...

I've decided I know nothing about dealing with women. Li (my ex) has a cat she loves dearly and who has apparently gotten really sick. Last night, I send her a message saying I'm sorry - she says thanks, but she's feeling antisocial and doesn't really want to talk. I say I understand, because I do. Something like that sounded an awful lot like she might like to talk, but she just wasn't in the mood to, rather than she didn't want to hear from me at all. I figure I'll try again today and maybe she'll want to talk.

Today I message her again to ask her how she's feeling... I'm honest and say I was hoping we'd be able to talk again a little... and she says thanks, then just blocks me.

So what did I do wrong? I mean, it's not like I was all "OMG I LOVE YOU TAKE ME BACK" or something... that's just dumb. I know she's not going to take me back...

But I miss my friend. I miss the girl I could just sit around and talk with, and who I could just talk with and not have to worry about anything being wrong.

That's the part of this that hurts the most - losing that privilege... And believe me it was a privilege to have someone like that to turn to. I didn't have to be anyone or do anything for her and she'd be there anyway because she cared like no-one else.

I don't know what to do or what to think or what to say anymore - it's like no matter what I do it's the wrong thing and I just feel like I've swallowed a bowl of glass shards.

Maybe I should be just trying to forget, but no matter what I do something always comes up to remind me of what's happened. Sometimes small things, but some things like a picture lying around the house - or the painting she gave me one year as a present...

Maybe she's just trying to forget me and move on. Maybe I should try that sometime too. I just don't want to let go... Some days I feel almost alright - but then there are days like today where I remember everything and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I'm going out for booze tonight with friends... maybe that'll dull the pain somewhat.

Now that I don't have Li around... I'm beginning to realize exactly how boring it is to hang around on the computer with nobody to talk to... I mean, usually I'd talk to her and play a game or do work or something, but now I don't even have her to distract me... (and believe me she was a very pleasant distraction...)

I'm boring and I don't have anyone to talk to. This BLOWS.

Current Mood: bored